Do you find your children lying more when you are trying your best to teach them to be honest?  

Relax and rewind, you will find yourself focusing on the negatives of lying rather than the positives of being honest. Rewind even further, your childhood, the time when you lied to your parents. Recollect the reason why you lied, fear? Isn’t it? 

Yes, similarly most of the time our children cringe from telling us the truth because they fear the harsh disciplining post confession. They do not feel secure and safe and rather choose to live in guilt. 

Disciplining wrong behaviour is a must and to ignore this habit of lying is a big NO! Therefore, our first step towards helping our children be honest is to seek God for more of His love that is to be patient, kind, not judgemental and forgiving. Once we seek Him the teaching is easy.  

Our God is the Truth, we have got to help our children recognise that there is nothing as real as this (John 14:6). We have to encourage them to obey God’s Word and walk in His ways ie; live an honest life. Children don’t do things willingly without a reason. When they are told why and how it will benefit them, they make every effort to do accordingly. Therefore, to encourage them to walk in God’s ways we have to give them a reason ie; to KNOW THE TRUTH. How is it going to benefit? As the truth unfolds, THEY WILL BE SET FREE! – free from guilt, shame, fear, regrets etc. (John 8:31-32) Help them believe that God has called us to live a life of freedom – a life of joy, peace, and love. And when they walk with Christ they will gradually choose to put on the character of Christ. 

This is how our Lord rewards us if we walk in integrity. What is our response when our children, especially our teens, dare to tell us the bitter truth of their wrongdoings? We openly confess our sins to God and go back to Him again and again because we know our God accepts us, He is slow to anger and listen to us, He doesn’t react immediately and we know it is a safe place to go. Are we our children’s safe place? 

Always appreciate a child when the child chooses to be honest over telling a lie which would have been easier in a situation. However bitter the truth, refrain from focusing on the mistake and reward honesty by giving more importance to their decision, to be honest, and confess their mistake. This in no way lets them get away with what they have done. They will bear the consequences but it will be lighter than what it could have been if they told a lie. For eg; Taking away the screen time for two days could have been for a whole week if they were not honest. 

Also, the most rewarding moments for a child are when they make their parents proud. When they learn you value honesty, they will want to be honest to make you happy. When children see that parents want to hear what they want to hear they choose to tell lies and get away from the situation. Our openness to accept them making mistakes and teaching them to learn from their mistakes will encourage our children to be fearlessly honest. They will recognise us as a safe place to be when they are in a mess. They will be confident that they will be accepted and not judged yet knowing fully well that they will have to bear the consequences of their mistakes.  

David was confident of the fact that his safety depended on his walk with integrity. Our children need to know this truth, that being honest can keep them physically safe. 
 We have to help our children understand that rules are made to keep people safe and this will lead them to choose an action that will not bring harm to themselves or anyone. Many times, our children or teens tell us they are going to a friend’s house or going for an extra class but sneak out to a place where they are not supposed to be, we should explain in a situation like this if any harm comes upon them, we will not be able to help as we do not know their whereabouts. Teaching children the connection between their actions and outcomes is crucial. When they understand the impact of their actions, they are more likely to value truthfulness and make informed decisions.

An honest person establishes a relationship forever. Children as they grow need freedom and for us parents to give them freedom, we need to know that our children can make good choices and trust them to do what they say they will do. If they go against our trust, they know their freedom is curbed and this is just not what they want. When children realize that being honest helps build a reputation for trustworthiness, they understand that this trust allows them more freedom and opportunities. It’s a powerful motivator for them to act with integrity.

Parents, the above are small ways we can teach our children to value honesty but do our children see us walking in the truth? We have got to be truthful in every way as our children are watching us intently. What we talk, what we talk about others, what we say and what we do. 

We also have to be open about our mistakes. Be ready to apologise and work out a solution. Showing that we are perfect in all ways and can only point out their mistakes will only amplify our falsehood to our children. Setting an example of walking with integrity helps in the long run, to point out our mistakes and how we have learned from them. Teaching children that mistakes are a part of life and that forgiveness and openness can lead to stronger relationships is incredibly valuable. It helps them understand that honesty and vulnerability are strengths, not weaknesses.