Struggling to see your child follow this commandment? The above verse is the first commandment with a promise and yet it is so difficult to see that in our children. I believe this is the most prestigious promise and that is why it is a challenge to work at it. Honoring parents is very important to God and therefore there is an emphasis on it that flows into the New Testament too (Ephesians 6:2).

Disrespectful behavior of children, no matter what age, is despised by God and robs parents of their authority to bring correction into their children’s life. One such example in the Bible is Absalom, King David’s son. He went to the extent of defying his father and conspiring against him to take his throne. This defiance and dishonor led to his tragic and early death, practically revealing God’s promise to us in Exodus 20:12.

What brings about disrespect?

Children learn to respect/disrespect in general, first as they see how their parents respect and treat one another. If spouses don’t respect one another it is very evident to the children. Words of disapproval and disrespect to one another don’t go unnoticed. Even cold behavior towards one another is something that children sense and recognize. Children are very keen observers and good imitators. They observe things that we may do unknowingly and they imitate them thinking it is the right behavior.

Similarly, children observe how we treat our parents, and what we talk about them is all recorded in their minds they learn likewise.

Let us also remember that children are little people, they deserve respect too. If we shun children, talk to them disrespectfully, treat them badly in front of others, and ridicule their behavior they begin to get insecure and end up being rude and disrespectful.
Too much attention and excessive praise may also lead children to be disrespectful as they grow.

Some behavioral patterns of a disrespectful child

• Accuse others of poor performance

• Every action should be praised 

Some ways to discipline disrespectful behavior

Ignore Attention-Seeking Behavior – Through tantrums, screaming, and shouting, these are some attention-seeking tactics in children. These are some of the ways to get what they want or to be heard. It is best to ignore the behavior by not giving in to their demands.

Set Firm Consequential Statements – Within the family set guidelines for good as well as bad behavior. Let the child know the consequences of a particular behavior and when it is to correct a bad behavior be stern. Use When/Then Statements so that they are aware you mean what you say.

Do What You Said – Post a rebellious behavior you should provide the immediate consequence that you said. This helps the child to relate the disciplinary step to the non-acceptable action and will be cautious the next time.

Saying ‘Sorry’ is not enough – Many times saying sorry doesn’t fix things. Restoring or returning, something helps them take responsibility for disrespectful behavior and also helps repair relationships.

Speak God’s Word and Pray – As you alter your behavior and be firm in your disciplinary actions pray for your children. Be specific and pray against the rebellious behavioral pattern. Be persistent and don’t give up.
Speak to them, and let them know they are loved no matter what but their behavior is not accepted. Pray with them helping them to seek God’s help. Assure them that the Holy Spirit will help them the next time they are tempted to misbehave. Let them know that you are praying for them and are with them in this journey to improve.

When we read the commandment in Exodus 20:12, we think our children must honor us because it is a commandment and we demand it from them. But, think of it how precious the honor would be when it comes out of sheer love and not as a duty. As our children grow in an atmosphere of God’s love in the family, honoring will flow from their hearts.